‘You're being inappropriate.”
Never before have so few mild words sounded so frightening. And so ? thrilling.
Is it just me, or is Carrie Prejean – erotic starlet, former Miss USA first runner-up, queen of the San Diego Padres cheerleaders (the Pad Squad) and author of a wrenching new memoir – hotter than hell? On an already-notorious episode of Larry King Live Wednesday, she repeatedly told the shocked host how “inappropriate” it was to hector her, and he was visibly nonplussed. He changed tack and took a call – from an excited gay pageant freak – and she plucked her microphone off and sat, staring prettily into the camera, if a deadly, 1,000-yard stare can be called pretty.
And then she threatened to leave the show, as if to say, later for you, old man, Prejean does not need any more “gossip, hate and political attacks” – as the phrase goes in the subtitle of her new memoir, Still Standing: The Untold Story of My Fight against Gossip, Hate and Political Attacks.
Oddly enough, I'm Still Standing is the title of a song by Elton John, a gay, married man.
I say oddly, in case any of you are unfamiliar with her story, because this heart-palpitation-causing knockout and devout Catholic's public downfall came when Perez Hilton, a judge at February's Miss USA pageant, asked the contestant, then Miss California, how she felt about same-sex marriage.
What did he think she would say?
What if a religious Jewish contestant was asked how she felt about eating cheeseburgers? Yes, it is fatuous to compare burgers and people, but religious beliefs are deeply personal and sacred convictions. Prejean says she believes marriage is a covenant between men and women: “That's how I was raised,” she said.
She said that as the audience cheered; as she stood there, gently swaying in her white gown, looking all the world like the other Carrie, the one in the horror movie about to get nailed by a spangled bucket of pig's blood.
And she did.
Hilton virtually tore out of the auditorium and posted a video blog. In it, he screamed that Prejean had been booed (not so) and that he did not mind her speaking her mind, but minded, very much, her inability to be a true pageant leader, one who “unites and inspires!”
Both he and Prejean made pointed reference to “ My country,” a bit of peculiarly American perversity derived, no doubt, from U.S. citizens' embrace of the Bill of Rights as infinitely flexible and idiosyncratic – like a stack of monogrammed towels.
This incident would have blown over, but Prejean is, undeniably, charismatic. I may have a weak spot for perfect-looking girls with the hidden temperaments of longshoremen, but Prejean has been all over the press lately. Every time she speaks, or tries to execute damage control, she merely throws kindling on the fire of our excited contempt and outrage.
For example, when Prejean was questioned about her breast implants (Prejean sued the pageant for religious discrimination in the wake of the Hilton controversy; the pageant then countersued for the cost of her implants, for which it had paid), she said, “I don't see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn't get breast implants.”
She is a Christian, but she made a risqu� film for her boyfriend (or a large number of them, if you believe him) when she was 20, not 17 as she claimed! Civilian wits are ripping up Amazon.com with hilarious reviews of Still Standing , reviews that are so sarcastic, they seem authentic. Here is an excerpt from one, posted by Gen. JC Christian, Patriot: “Although the writing in Miss Prejean's book caused me to throw up a little in my mouth, the spirit moves me to give it five stars.”
I read the book and was so saddened for Prejean: What could have been a first-rate book about pageants – the art of surreptitiously cantilevering and concealing one's assets and flaws; important disquisitions on hair extensions, stacked heels, waxing versus threading, the vital difference between bronzer and toner – is aggravated by page after page about the “jowly” Hilton and not nearly enough about (it is fleetingly mentioned) how Miss North Carolina, Kristen Dalton, was, unfairly, lobbed an easy “bank bailouts” question.
Many have come to Prejean's defence, regarding her answer to Hilton's question, including gay leaders, who support her right to hold an opinion.
Others, bored because there hasn't been a good case of conservative hypocrisy for a time, because Rush Limbaugh hasn't taken Vicodin in years, are racing to turn the camp, queer spectacle that is a beauty pageant into a serious political platform; to turn one of its contestants, who are legendary for their inane comments during the Q&A, into a social commentator.
These are the kind of haters who got mad when Talking Barbie, years ago, quite rightly said, “Math is hard!”
The really pretty Carrie Prejean does not seem very nice, and gay marriage, across the board, would definitely be awesome: Is this surprising information?
Did you see what she was wearing on Larry King? Red washes her out, but her hair looks amazing! Let's talk about this some more, while wearing gowns and tiaras and screaming “dumb bitch!” at each other. Let's make this right!
Note: Readers have commented that last week's column, regarding Canada's relationship with England's monarch, was insulting and hurtful. I did not intend to be hurtful and I apologize for that.
