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GiveLife.ca

    
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PRINT EDITION
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Globe Columnists
Friday, December 15




  Heather Mallick
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As If



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TINY CHAIR space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, December 3, 2005 – Page L3
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-- It looks like a chair, it sits like a chair, but it isn't a chair.Or rather, it's a chair for very tiny people, the type who are all excited because they're going into Grade 2 (hearty congratulations to you, sit here, wish I had a table to match, my little muffin).  FULL STORY arrow
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bundle of joy: HEATHER MALLICK space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, December 3, 2005 – Page L9
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-- Julia McNeely painting Field of Poppies, a painting by Julia McNeely, is a Tuscan scene of human loneliness and nature's amplitude. McNeely's is at Toronto's One of a Kind Show until tomorrow. I'd line up as I do for Springsteen, but art shows aren't like that. It'll be my fourth McNeely. $2,600, www.juliamcneely.com.  FULL STORY arrow
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TICKETS TO BARCELONA space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 26, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I was recently informed by my stepdaughter that parents purchase significant gifts upon university graduation. I didn't even go to my graduation ceremonies, three of them after high school, much less get a present. But, as a stepmother, I do as I'm told. A really good pen, I thought. Or a watch.  FULL STORY arrow
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My battle with a paper tiger space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 26, 2005 – Page F6
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-- Last week, I gave you my five good reasons to boycott something, and now here is the finale -- category 6 (hurricanes don't even go that high). Until this month, I read the centre-left British newspaper The Guardian on-line and paid $620 a year to have its Saturday issue sent by airmail. I've been reading the paper for 40 years. No, I am not 102. I am 46, but we got the Guardian Weekly when I was a kid. I think it's the best newspaper in the world; many Canadians read it.  FULL STORY arrow
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SAVON DE MARSEILLE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 19, 2005 – Page L3
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-- My sister, who is the world's nicest person, sent me a bottle of Savon de Marseille Extra Pur liquid hand soap for my birthday. I don't know how she did this. She has children, a job, husband, life, the whole deal, and yet the package arrived that morning and I loved the gift.  FULL STORY arrow
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Why there's nothing like a boycott space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 19, 2005 – Page F7
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-- Everyone has a hobby. Whether it's Joan Barfoot novels, Springsteen lyrics or cultivating snakeshead fritillaria (I do all three, the last without success). But there's nothing like boycotting.  FULL STORY arrow
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FAKE LEMON TREE BRANCHES space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 12, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Oh, those mad people at Toronto's Teatro Verde. They sell insane things, such as fake cakes and a lovely baskety blankety thing that I wanted until I realized it was intended for dogs. I worry about people whose fur kids sleep in better accommodations than some humans do.  FULL STORY arrow
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Why I hate police helicopters space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 12, 2005 – Page F2
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-- I was puzzled by a comment in a Toronto newspaper recently. ''I don't know many Albertans,'' a columnist wrote. See, this is why nobody likes Trawna. We say things like this.  FULL STORY arrow
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rude space
She made her name with a bestselling ode to the fine art of proper punctuation. So what made Lynne Truss take on the rise of incivility? As she tells HEATHER MALLICK, it had at least something to do with talk radio, second-hand smoke and her own puckered elbows
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 12, 2005 – Page R1
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-- Lynne Truss isn't polite in the way one might expect of the author of a book on how terribly rude people are nowadays. She is simply relaxed, funny, pleasant and she waves away any suggestion that she should be referred to during a cellphone interview in Boston traffic as ''Ms. Truss.'' Her attitude is Goodness, call me Lynne. She is nice.  FULL STORY arrow
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GLOVES space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 5, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Gloves are seen as a non-item, like handkerchiefs in Gone With the Wind. They're something for Rhett to give Scarlett while she's in mourning for one of the hopeless husbands she sent to an early grave. But no one buys handkerchiefs now. What kind of man would wish to store his nasal products in cloth on his person and then pollute the washing machine with whatever is stored in the dank folds?  FULL STORY arrow
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One humiliation too many space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, November 5, 2005 – Page F2
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-- My childhood -- call it Castle Keep -- is a bricked-up place I do not visit. But occasionally I kick a few bricks out of the wall, peek inside if it might assist someone else, and mortar it up again.  FULL STORY arrow
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LAMPE BERGER space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 29, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This is the only Bought I have ever revisited, and I do so with good reason.The last time I wrote about the beautiful and ingenious device known as the Lampe Berger, I, various editors and the Belle de Provence store in Bayview Village in Toronto were deluged with calls. ''Where can I buy one in Saskatoon?'' they asked. ''How long do I keep it burning?'' ''I'm out of oil.''  FULL STORY arrow
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DECANTER space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 22, 2005 – Page L3
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-- A ''bouquet decanter'' -- water carafe and matching glass popped over its top -- is symbolic. It exists, but mainly to make a point.I don't actually think people should have fiddly delicate carafes by their beds. I can barely get out of bed in the dark without hurting myself. (I don't understand this, as the furniture hasn't moved for years.) Imagine the attempt to pour -- the smashing, the screams, the spreading wetness in the dark that you pray is water and not blood.  FULL STORY arrow
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Burgers, gin, meth: It's our toxic drive space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 22, 2005 – Page F3
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-- So many people are fat now that they're getting close to a majority. It seems odd that they need defending. But I recoil at the venom shot their way. Here's an antidote they may or may not want to take up for themselves.  FULL STORY arrow
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BODY SHOP VITAMIN E LOTION space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 15, 2005 – Page L3
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-- If they can call a store Toys ''R'' Us then I can call my bathroom cabinet Unguents ''R'' I. But all I really need is this fine Body Shop Vitamin E body lotion and maybe some eye cream.  FULL STORY arrow
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And the prize goes to the Nobel writing judges space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 15, 2005 – Page F2
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-- It's peculiar to judge prizes, in the sense of awarding a prize each year to the prize that got it right and the prize, like the Man Booker, that maintains a tradition of hitting itself in the face with a tofu pie.  FULL STORY arrow
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BEDSIDE TABLE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 8, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Bedside tables encapsulate life. That's why they're always asking celebrities what they have beside their beds. An actor says Stendhal's Le Rouge et Le Noir and a special cocktail of Fiji water and Limonata when, in fact, all he has is a bucket.  FULL STORY arrow
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Bridging the Christian-Muslim divide space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 8, 2005 – Page F2
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-- It may have taken 40 years, but it finally happened this week: The European Union opened membership talks with Turkey.I have watched the especially intense year-long run-up to this moment with fascination and disgust. It was like being a spectator at a cockfight, with ugly squawks, blood-soaked feathers and the stabbing of beaks into the meat beneath the skin, the two cocks all the while denying that this was, in fact, a cockfight, oh no, and the EU spectators secretly hoping Turkey would expire in the straw of a heart attack. It wouldn't look good if an Islamic nation were pecked to death.  FULL STORY arrow
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KENNETH COLE DRESS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 1, 2005 – Page L3
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-- It's a Kenneth Cole dress. That's the guy who sells shoes with those vaguely lefty slogans that make you think that buying his footwear would be a form of social protest. Of course, the dress was made in China. That's quite the protest, Mr. Cole.  FULL STORY arrow
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I have to ask: Have we no pride? space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, October 1, 2005 – Page F2
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-- I spend a lot of time on the subway now. It zaps me across Toronto in great speed and comfort. It's that or a taxi or car ride with Attendant Irritation and not just in parking garages either. The number of smog-alert days has gone beyond shameful. If my lungs are going to be black just from car fumes, as a coroner once proved to me with great glee, I might as well start smoking and get in some pleasure before my premature and painful death.  FULL STORY arrow
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SPRINKLERS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 24, 2005 – Page L3
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-- It's never too late for lawn sprinklers. Buy yours now. When I was wandering alone in the desert of my heat-wave garden with a $200 watering can whose ''rose'' was clogged, I would have paid $100 for the Lee Valley sprinkler they promise will last a lifetime. But they were out of stock by then.  FULL STORY arrow
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Why do we have such bad public art? space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 24, 2005 – Page F2
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-- What would it be like to be Alison Lapper? She's a 40-year-old British artist born without arms and with only a bit of thigh, kneeless, ending in twisted feet. Hollywood FX types always add bits on to make figures look strange and end up with Edward Scissorhands. But Ms. Lapper's bodily essence is one of subtraction. She lacks. One shoulder is round and has a vulval wrinkle; another is a sharp-edged stump. In all other ways, she is normal. She looks like a snapshot, cropped ineptly with a knife.  FULL STORY arrow
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KILL RING space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 17, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I've purchased so-called dinner rings before. They're the kind of rings that have little half-circle spring things inside so they'll fit any finger. They are so glittery that when I was my hands, I worry that the glue will melt, so I take the ring off, wash, dry and never see it again, but never mind, because it's only a dinner ring.  FULL STORY arrow
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Insurance will cover it -- when pigs fly by space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 17, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Here's one Americans weren't expecting: If you're a relatively calm New Orleans homeowner, because a) you're alive and b) you're insured, think again. Insurers won't pay out. You protest that there was a hurricane. And you were covered for that.  FULL STORY arrow
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MARTHA STEWART LIVING space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 10, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Martha Stewart did her time, when so many American male criminals did not. She's not a pleasant person (I interviewed her once), but the fact is, she's right. Domestic life should be more gracious, beautiful and, above all, clean.  FULL STORY arrow
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The brand that didn't deliver space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 10, 2005 – Page F2
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-- The grand illusion is gone now. That sheen the United States once had for people around the world who were vulnerable to sheen has gone off. If Brand America were a soft drink and not a country, it would be funny, but it's not. It's the painful result of the monstrous egotism and stupidity of George W. Bush and his advisers combined with days of watching the news on-line or on TV with utter disbelief.  FULL STORY arrow
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ETIQUETTE NAPKINS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 3, 2005 – Page L3
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-- These instructional table napkins printed with etiquette lessons were a birthday gift from a lawyer friend who, I take it, at some point went to a dinner party with me. Or was it that party at her house? I still don't remember what I did wrong, but I'm all for self-improvement.  FULL STORY arrow
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What happened to my old friend Canada? space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, September 3, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Two weeks ago, I woke at 7 a.m. with more than my usual ''Oh what is the point of it all, do tell me'' torpor. I was preparing to arise and go to a courthouse on University Avenue in Toronto where one of five men imprisoned without trial by the Canadian government would beg a judge for a hearing seeking access to a bail hearing. The accused-of-something was Mahmoud Jaballah. Some of his six children were to be there. I was planning to offer moral support, the polite Canadian kind which translates as radiating thought waves at the judge: ''This Canadian-born citizen opposes internment without trial and so should you.''  FULL STORY arrow
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SWINGLINE STAPLER space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 27, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This is my new stapler (she said sullenly). Yes, I love it for its winsome combination of matte silver and central pink stabby bit. But I am haunted by an essay by actor and writer Stephen Fry, in which he did a stunning parody of those My Favourite Object columns. It was extremely funny. It was called Me and My Stapler.  FULL STORY arrow
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Logic and the arts have never played nice space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 27, 2005 – Page F2
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-- When I'm oldy mouldy (as my kids used to say of anyone over 12) -- perhaps toothless, foul-tempered, smelly, but likely all three -- a palliative comes to mind. I tell myself that I'll always have my books. I'll still be able to see the splodges of British painter Howard Hodgkin. I'll still hate American sculptor Richard Serra, who makes great, big, stupid, iron traffic-blockers. And I'll be playing Rufus Wainwright very, very loud. Ooooh, I'll lurve my comforts.  FULL STORY arrow
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FAKE CAKE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 20, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Heather, you did that? That tower of sponge, its tall outer walls dipped in coconut flakes, with vanilla icing dripping down from a topping of white chocolate shavings, on an old-fashioned enamelled cake stand, just for me?  FULL STORY arrow
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Hey, CBC, watch the language space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 20, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Last Saturday, a full-page ad appeared in my morning newspaper titled, ''An Open Letter to Canadians.'' The subheadline began with ''CBC.'' Omigawd, Paul Martin's abolishing the CBC, I thought.  FULL STORY arrow
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A PRETTY VACUUM space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 13, 2005 – Page L3
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-- About once a year, an unsought encounter with extreme filth sends me screaming to Vacuum Chek on Toronto's Queen East. It sells Miele vacuum cleaners, the world's best. (It opened not a moment too soon in a neighbourhood full of really useful stores such as Wicca shops for all your witchcraft needs.)  FULL STORY arrow
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The half-empty world away from politics space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 13, 2005 – Page F3
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-- In a valiant effort to avoid the subject of politics, and because I have been involuntarily been under the Stepmother Stress Diet, I start the day by clicking on the BBC website to get some weird funny news around the world. Why does this religious guy swallow goldfish and blow them out through his nose? That's quite the religion.  FULL STORY arrow
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VIKTOR & ROLF SKIRT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 6, 2005 – Page L3
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-- The cost of my Viktor and Rolf black satin skirt has conveniently slipped my mind because I bought it for all the wrong reasons. It was $500 or $600 or possibly more, which is a lot for a gorgeous skirt I have yet to wear and don't actually need.  FULL STORY arrow
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I am protoplasm, hear me roar space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, August 6, 2005 – Page F2
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-- An eerie thing has happened since George W. Bush took office in 2000. Women have vanished from the world's landscape. Newspaper editorial pages have become male wallpaper, we have apparently been Photoshopped out of pictures unless we're the spokesmodelactresssinger Jessica Simpson, TV news is filled with male faces, and the political stage is bereft of women to interview, should anyone wish to interview them, which they don't.  FULL STORY arrow
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CAPLESS HAT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 30, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Hats are dreadful things, especially on men. But they don't add much to the look of women, either. Too bad. Since I refuse to put SPF 30 sunscreen on my face every day because it's too much like medicine, I'm wearing hats now.  FULL STORY arrow
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The distemper of our times space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 30, 2005 – Page F2
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-- One of the strangest moments of my life took place at the Bruce Springsteen concert this month. At first I thought it was peculiar, then funny. But now I think it encapsulated not just my mood, but the mood of most people right now. I have never seen people so depressed. No wonder Millennium Eve was a bust. We knew this was coming.  FULL STORY arrow
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SELF-TANNING LOTION space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 23, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I don't want to look like an orange beacon, or those things bicycle riders wear on their jackets at night. Nor do I want to look like Nicole Kidman, so pale she appears not to have a drop of blood in her body.  FULL STORY arrow
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Blair can't connect the bombs and the war. I can space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 23, 2005 – Page F3
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-- Britain's Foreign Minister, Jack Be Nimble (real name ''Straw,'' seriously), swelled up like a puff adder this week and announced that the notion that there was any link between the first London bombings and Britain's presence in Iraq was ''astonishing.'' (And after that even before more bombs went off in the tube.) Tony Blair said it would be a ''misunderstanding of a catastrophic order'' to think that, if he had kept well away from Iraq, the killers wouldn't have gone to Pakistan for bomb lessons. (It was a misunderstanding shared by the nation's own anti-terrorist forces, an embarrassing leak promptly revealed.)  FULL STORY arrow
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SPRINGSTEEN TICKETS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 16, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Ah, Bruce, you and I meet again. I did not think it would happen.I listened to Bruce Springsteen's music when I was far too young to afford the $250 that two tickets cost for his acoustic show in Toronto on July 14. My lasting love for you, Bruce, is proved by the fact that the show was at the Air Canada Centre, an acoustic improvement over indoor baseball stadiums, but not by much.  FULL STORY arrow
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Terrorism hard sell is hard to take space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 16, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Terrorism brings out the worst in people. Naturally, I don't mean the terrorists themselves. They are a sub-group of humans whose view of their fellow man is even more difficult to define or understand than that of serial killers (terrorists who work one victim at a time).  FULL STORY arrow
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FAIR TRADE COFFEE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 9, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Cafe Malongo is the brand of excellent fresh-ground coffee beans sold by Les Galeries Lafayette in Paris for tourists like me who learn that good French hotels don't have coffee-making facilities in the room. This, to the French, would be barbaric. One rises and goes to a local cafe, or orders room service.  FULL STORY arrow
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Winning at all costs isn't winning at all space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 9, 2005 – Page F2
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-- The cost of a new U.S. Supreme Court justice is $123-million, newspaper reports say. I was taken aback. Surely law schools are not so horrifically expensive even in that lawyer-thick nation, and surely William H. Rehnquist, the recovered painkiller addict who designs his own court costumes, has not turned to Viktor and Rolf for couture inspiration.  FULL STORY arrow
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CELESTIAL GLOBE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 2, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Here we have a ''celestial globe.'' It is 4.5 centimetres in diameter and a dull silver. It splits in half, presumably for entertainment value. I bought it at my favourite museum, the Musee Cluny in Paris, which displays the glories of the Middle Ages. It cost 33 euros (about $50), and I bought it because, frankly, everything else in the gift shop was hopeless.  FULL STORY arrow
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Boycotting is my new drug of choice space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, July 2, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Like most of us, I spent my youth in thrall to ''the toxic drive'' -- the human need to alter reality artificially. For others who stick with the thrall as they age, it's cigarettes, or beer. Wealthier people choose The Macallan. But in those days, when I was offered a pill I would just say yes.  FULL STORY arrow
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GOLD SCARF space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 25, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This short strip of a matte gold scarf is made of silk. It is ruched in about 50 places, as though it had been randomly pinched and rolled between someone's fingers until it remained crushed and flowed awkwardly in strange gathers.  FULL STORY arrow
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Do the world a favour gents, tie one on space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 25, 2005 – Page F2
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-- There's no one left to decree What the Well-Dressed Man is Wearing any more, now that the production of Cary Grant movies has ceased and all fashion magazines have turned into pure advertising vehicles. It's all up for grabs, is how the Americans would put it. It's no longer just their attitude to the rest of the world, it's their fashion statement too.  FULL STORY arrow
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A CRICKET FOR A HOOK space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 18, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Here we have a flying beetle, or some kind of wasp with enormous wings. No, I just checked the label; it's a cricket. It is painted gold and is attached to a hook. You nail the hook to your wall and hang a picture on it. Why?  FULL STORY arrow
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Debt is bad, but debt relief is worse space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 18, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Is there anything on earth more comely than a G8 finance minister coated in international goodwill? Aren't they big-hearted? Good Samaritans all, they give off a golden light.  FULL STORY arrow
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PENGUIN MUG space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 11, 2005 – Page L3
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-- The invention of the mass-market paperback was one of the great events of the last century. This is what it looked like as devised by Penguin publisher Allen Lane decades ago -- and now turned into a coffee mug, the ultimate 21st-century honour.  FULL STORY arrow
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The acidic female truth revolution space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 11, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Sometimes men's treatment of women professionally is like a slow-motion hanging. Women fail, but so slowly. And men make it look mundane.Take this sequence: A man buys a book. He reads it. Civilized man, right?  FULL STORY arrow
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BALLET SHOES space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 4, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I don't enjoy the ballet, considering it a jumped-up parvenu of the arts that specializes in ruining women's feet and humiliating ballerinas. But I do like the look.  FULL STORY arrow
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A lesson from France: Just say Non merci space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, June 4, 2005 – Page F2
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-- When husbands go on business trips, women revert within minutes to their pre-lapsarian selves. For four days, I lived as I wished to live. Subsisting entirely on rice pudding, I watched TV like a soccer fan, cheering on the agonies of French commentators left slack-jawed by the French ''Non'' -- make that ''NON!'' -- on the European Union constitution.  FULL STORY arrow
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MEDAL OF SHOPPING space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 28, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Medals are attractive as jewellery, especially since they are now awarded lavishly, pointlessly and far beyond the call of duty or reason. This means you don't have to feel guilty about wearing one even though you didn't rescue 12 fellow soldiers at Verdun and you could run into someone at a party who did.  FULL STORY arrow
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Face it, we really don't like children space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 28, 2005 – Page F2
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-- ''I was 12 years old and I took my bike,'' begins Sabine Dardenne's memoir, I Choose to Live. Books like hers, about being kidnapped by a pedophile, aren't often written, since the potential authors usually die fast. But Ms. Dardenne, now 21, is an unusual young woman in her character and perceptions. She is tough. We have a lot to learn from her.  FULL STORY arrow
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PETIT BATEAU T-SHIRT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 21, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Everyone in France wears striped jerseys, partly because they look great and partly because they grew up wearing striped T-shirts made by Petit Bateau. They were trained.Little boys are intended to wear the blue-and-white striped shirts with pale blue trim and an oval logo/stamp on the front. Little girls are supposed to wear the pink ones that have a pink rose where the logo should be.  FULL STORY arrow
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Braveheart goes to Washington space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 21, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Such a spectacle it was on TV this week at a U.S. Senate subcommittee hearing on the Iraqi oil-for-food inquiry that those who were abed and did not see it shall think themselves accursed.  FULL STORY arrow
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PORTABLE MUSIC space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 14, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This is not the first set of mini-speakers I have bought for my Walkman, nor will it be the last. My portable CD players expire regularly (is it the glass of water beside the bed that I spill on them that does it, or is it an electronic hostility?) while the speakers available grow ever smaller.  FULL STORY arrow
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In France, it's all cheese to me space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 14, 2005 – Page F2
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-- It has finally happened, this thing against which great women and men fought so hard and with such distinction. I think they called it la Re-Resistance. General Charles de Gaulle led it -- after the war was over, oddly enough --with his special cap and huge aristocratic nose presiding over a snotty populace he claimed was ungovernable because it produced 325 varieties of cheese.  FULL STORY arrow
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MAKEUP CASE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, May 7, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This is a makeup case. It costs $20 at Holt Renfrew, as long as you spend more than $50 on cosmetics. I don't need any cosmetics since everything I get from M.A.C seems to last about four years (do I have an unusually small face?) but heavens, the cosmetics cases are beautifully coloured and designed and I love them.  FULL STORY arrow
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WATER GLASS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 30, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I bought four of these Italian glasses at Nitty Gritty Reproductions in Toronto, the milk-paint-furniture people who made me a dining-room table in the precise blue I hungered for.  FULL STORY arrow
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Why do we have to see a pharmacist the morning after? space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 30, 2005 – Page F2
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-- How delighted I was to hear that the morning-after pill will now be available across Canada without intervention of doctor's no-appointments-until-July office, doctor herself and her scrawled prescription. Because at that point, you see, it is no longer a morning-after pill, but a long-after-the-abortion-itself pill, and what's the point of that?  FULL STORY arrow
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WORK-OF-ART PILLOW space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 23, 2005 – Page L3
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-- It's simply a pillow, or rather a throw cushion. So you may say that $225 is too much to pay for something so trivial, and you would be right. But this pillow is pictured here in black and white, which means you are missing how beautiful its colours and textures are, and how much they cheered me up when I saw them in one of those minimalist stores where the sofas are brown and boxy.  FULL STORY arrow
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AS IF space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 23, 2005 – Page F2
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-- There has been a sea change in how we get our know-ledge of the world and the means to interpret it. And no, I don't mean cable TV and BlackBerrys. I mean non-fiction instead of novels, and documentaries facing off against mainstream TV news and movies. We've been badly let down by industries that used to exist to reflect our lives back at us. Is it surprising that we want the truth and we'll go elsewhere to find it?  FULL STORY arrow
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DISHCLOTHS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 16, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This is a $5 pack of white dishcloths from Bianco Plus by Sarahband on Avenue Road in Toronto, a housewares store that I've come to respect. You should see its turquoise woven plastic doormats.  FULL STORY arrow
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Quit moaning about the world: Here's a recipe for happiness space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 16, 2005 – Page F2
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-- ''Everyone's so depressed,'' a friend said to me recently about the months since the Bush re-election. They must be glum if they're looking for cheer from me, one of nature's misanthropes. But I'm all you've got.  FULL STORY arrow
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VINTAGE JUG space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 9, 2005 – Page L3
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-- A friend of mine, Pam Davies, an illustrator and portraitist, taught me an invaluable lesson in newspaper design, not that I remain in that field. It's all about shapes, she said.  FULL STORY arrow
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Kafka in Canada space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 9, 2005 – Page F2
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-- I've read Franz Kafka's The Trial twice and still can't warm to it. Josef K is on trial, for what crime he doesn't know and neither do the judges who are equally ignorant of the evidence, but he should stop protesting his innocence as it doesn't look good in court.  FULL STORY arrow
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INTERVENTION IN BOOK FORM space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 2, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I have bought an intervention in book form. The American notion of staging these confrontations for the drug-addicted/alcoholic shambling fool for whom you retain a shred of love is, I think, a marvellous idea. It didn't work in The Sopranos, where the addict was beaten to a pulp, but I take it that a regular intervention is a gentle thing with much love expressed for the family member/friend who regularly passes out on the lawn and is woken up by the swish of the sprinkler on his face.  FULL STORY arrow
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When affinity is really an affront space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, April 2, 2005 – Page F2
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-- I got out the big scissors this week and cut my Bank of Montreal Mosaik (sic) MasterCard in half. This was after visiting the branch to settle any outstanding bills on the card.  FULL STORY arrow
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EASTER WREATH space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 26, 2005 – Page L3
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-- One way to survive the Canadian climate is to ring the changes. I think it's a phrase from campanology, but to me it means celebrating the seasons. The fact that you are not really saying hello to spring so much as giving the finger to winter needn't be publicized.  FULL STORY arrow
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A real holiday in hell space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 26, 2005 – Page F2
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-- The news that Hitler's notorious Bavarian Alps vacation home, Berchtesgaden, has been turned into a hotel, well, call me waterlogged by history but I'm not happy about it. They'd been talking about it for years but I never dreamed they'd actually do it. Yet there is it, the Intercontinental Berchtesgaden.  FULL STORY arrow
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A SERIOUS CLOCK space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 19, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Carol Shields once wrote that tempus doesn't fugit: You have plenty of time to do many things in an ample, varied life that is sometimes happy and sometimes not. She was right, as she proved in her own long and fruitful span. So why are we all so frantic about time passing?  FULL STORY arrow
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A call to irons space
Think you're too busy, too cool, too emancipated to iron? Au contraire, argues HEATHER MALLICK. This pressing skill is one could you use
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 19, 2005 – Page L1
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-- They called it ''ironing.'' Now a maligned and neglected activity, it once played a big part in the movies. Think of Dr. Zhivago, with nurse Lara (Julie Christie) ironing hospital linens as lustful Dr. Yuri (Omar Sharif) looks on. Their passionate gaze could, and in fact did, burn holes in sheets.  FULL STORY arrow
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Finally, I agree with the church space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 19, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Since I am without religion of any kind and was raised in a ''Well dear, I suppose you must do as you think is best'' kind of household, my morality is all self-taught.  FULL STORY arrow
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TORD BOONTJE LIGHT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 12, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I first saw one of Tord Boontje's light fixtures in 2001, in the pages of The Observer magazine's Style section, I think. It was a huge multicoloured thing, an explosion of tiny blossoms around a light bulb, and it made the Dutch designer famous. He dispensed with the notion of a lamp having a measurable shape and turned it into a thing of beauty that still lit the room enough for you to identify the vegetables on your plate or which child had just broken the candlestick. Beautiful and useful, it was.  FULL STORY arrow
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What do women want? A hammer space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 12, 2005 – Page F2
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-- She is a woman. He is a man. They're both Turkish. It is the week of International Women's Day. Romantic, no?Are they about to share a glass of the aniseed-flavoured clear grape brandy that is Turkey's national drink to celebrate the perfect occasion for their country to demonstrate its suitability for European Union membership? Will love bloom as they sip a raki by the banks of the Bosphorus?  FULL STORY arrow
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SOUP CAN OF SECRETS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 5, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This appears to be a can of Campbell's Condensed Soup, one of those American foodstuffs that was so handy yet so damaging in your student years. It destroyed your ability to understand what good soup should taste like, but it was cheap and ubiquitous.  FULL STORY arrow
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How four-year-old Tenny stole my heart space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, March 5, 2005 – Page F2
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-- How awkward it is to fall in love again at my stage of life. And how humbling to learn how families struggle bravely through extended catastrophes. I can cope with personal disaster. Raised to be a pessimist, I expect no less.  FULL STORY arrow
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REALLY, REALLY STRONG MAGNETS space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 26, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Are they earrings? The product of an inept bullet-maker? No, they are magnets, purchased for a few dollars from Lee Valley Tools, the people who exist to make my garden grow, but not so much that I get fed up and pave it.  FULL STORY arrow
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The mother of all months space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 26, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Why do authors, actors and even employee performances get reviewed, often by gormless people who can't cogitate, write or smell themselves, while abominations like this thing titled ''February'' are simply endured?  FULL STORY arrow
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GWEN STEFANI'S FROCK COAT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 19, 2005 – Page L3
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-- This is a black wool frock coat from the L.A.M.B. clothing line by singer and actress Gwen Stefani. She was in The Aviator, she designed some handbags and now she's done some clothes. The initials stand for Love Angel Music Baby, the name of Stefani's solo album, and you can just make out the words on the huge hanging flap of Japanese-print fabric at the back of the coat (how outre not to do a regular label like a normal designer). I still wouldn't have known the coat was by Stefani if I hadn't Googled the lining fabric.  FULL STORY arrow
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Everywhere you look, irony's in the fire space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 19, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Let's shoot irony in a barrel. It's easier than fish. For it appears that Conservative Leader Stephen Harper has had a thought.First-generation immigrants to Canada can be pretty much counted on to vote Liberal. They may get injections at the border or be given Little Liberal Pills, I don't know, but they sense that Liberals are fond of them and they repay that faith. You see, Canada isn't perfect. First-generation immigrants tend to be short of friends here until yer basic Canadian tries one of their ethnic-type restaurants and weeps at how good the food is.  FULL STORY arrow
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SEASHELL space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 12, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Yes, when I put it to my ear, I can hear the ocean. Or perhaps it's just the shell rubbing against my hair. If I wanted to go to the ocean, I imagine we could plan something for Reading Week, or I could just set my bedside sound-soothing machine to Ocean Wave and calm down that way.  FULL STORY arrow
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What's that I hear? The Stasi song! space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 12, 2005 – Page F2
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-- Two guys go into a bar. One, Kerry Diotte, is an Edmonton newspaper columnist who has criticized the cops. The other, Martin Ignasiak, chairs the police commission. His job is to view the police not as wisdom dipped in gold but a bunch of guys with guns who need civilian oversight.  FULL STORY arrow
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A BETTER PHONE THAN THIS ONE space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 5, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Feast your eyes on this phone. After the photographer has finished with it, I shall teach it a lesson with a large hammer.Phones and I have a history. I summon up a vision of my first black Bell rotary dial, over which I once spilled an entire can of blue paint. It looked like a cake left out in the rain in MacArthur Park. And I hate my cellphone. I own it because if the kids have one, I'm entitled, but I use it so little it costs me $40 a phone call.  FULL STORY arrow
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A matter of matrimony? Sex is more like it space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, February 5, 2005 – Page F2
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-- In all the posturing and chewing about rights, both human and religious, involved in legalizing same-sex marriage, people are working under the smug assumption that this really is all about marriage. I cannot agree. This is all about sex.  FULL STORY arrow
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REBECCA TAYLOR SUIT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 29, 2005 – Page L3
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-- I am not given to silliness and, objectively speaking, a houndstooth suit trimmed in pink rickrack braid with -- God in heaven -- a ruffle on the hem is daft.But it looks awfully good. It is by Rebecca Taylor, a New Zealand-born designer who makes fairly sober things that startle when you look closer. There are always tiny interesting details. You may be wearing a toned-down version of the dowdy tweed thing everyone is supposed to wear this winter, but the pink shows that, at some level, you're taking it well.  FULL STORY arrow
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When aviation falls to earth space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 29, 2005 – Page F2
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-- The unwrapping of the new Airbus A380 this week was just as glorious as its European builders had intended. There was blue light, the spacey symphony and then the huge tube itself that will carry 550 passengers. It was actually erotic. Even the presence of that linoleum salesman Tony Blair didn't dull the big, shiny thing. For one moment, we were back in the era when owning an airline and flying in a plane was sexy.  FULL STORY arrow
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RIBBON SHAWL space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 22, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Ribbons are the thing this year so why not overdo it? I have bought a silk shawl made of ribbons and it's the size of a wedding train. The satin ribbons are attached periodically to a gauze backing that gives the thing a mild sense of structure.  FULL STORY arrow
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Hats off to Larry (yeah, right) space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 22, 2005 – Page F2
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-- The news came from Lawrence Summers, the president of Harvard University, that girls aren't as smart as boys when it comes to math and stuff. Therefore, it is cause for rejoicing that, during his four-year reign, the proportion of tenured jobs offered to women at Harvard has fallen to 13 per cent from 36 per cent, and last year, only four of the 32 tenured jobs went to women.  FULL STORY arrow
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SALT LAMP space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 15, 2005 – Page L3
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-- To me, and possibly to you as well, this is a lump of rock. We're wrong. It is so much more than that, as Rowan Atkinson, playing a posh jewellery salesman in the 2003 movie Love Actually, said as he wrapped up a necklace in the entire lavender and dried rosebud output of the French nation.  FULL STORY arrow
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What does he have to smile about? space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 15, 2005 – Page F2
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-- I know Republicans no longer care what the world thinks of them. They don't give a liquefied Krispy Kreme (yes, they're selling doughnuts as drinks now) that a buncha furriners think they run a hick one-party government replete with torturers. Brand America isn't selling well. Big deal.  FULL STORY arrow
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HUMPTY DUMPTY space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 8, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.All the king's horses, and all the king's men,Couldn't put Humpty in his place again.  FULL STORY arrow
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The woman who dared to disagree space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 8, 2005 – Page F2
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-- The death of Susan Sontag, two days before the Year of Dread 2004 ended, was a punch in the head when I read it on BBC World on-line. It was widely known that she had leukemia, but I hadn't known about the cancer that finished her off at the age of 71.  FULL STORY arrow
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UGLY COAT space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 1, 2005 – Page L3
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-- Triple Five Soul was not the first to make what I call dowdy clothes and line them so beautifully that they are transformed in a secretive, let-me-flash-you kind of way. But they do it very well.  FULL STORY arrow
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When I look to the year ahead, six dreaming blue sheep say it all space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Saturday, January 1, 2005 – Page F4
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-- Yes. It is 2005 and it falls to me to tell you how I have resolved to improve myself for the new year to come. And you can too. Although you seem fine to me, frankly, I'm the one whose moral core needs flensing.  FULL STORY arrow
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BETSEY JOHNSON BLAZER space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Friday, December 24, 2004 – Page L3
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-- So it's a blazer. Why all the fuss?To start with, it's a Betsey Johnson. And if you don't know who she is . . . Long ago and far away, Betsey Johnson was going right over the top with her peculiar clothes, strange colours, silver microminis and pink tutus.  FULL STORY arrow
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I do a kind thing each December space
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By HEATHER MALLICK
Friday, December 24, 2004 – Page F2
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-- Woke up this morning and said, ''All I want for Christmas is goodwill toward all,'' a great improvement on what I am usually capable of articulating at 7 a.m., which is ''gaagh.''  FULL STORY arrow
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