Mother and child
Moms and their kids share a unique bond, but busy lifestyles can create stress, disrupting these precious relationships. Wellness experts offer assurances, however, that following sound strategies for managing modern life can help ensure healthy, happy families despite our busy schedules.
“There never seems to be enough time,” says Lisa Martin, author of Briefcase Moms, 10 Proven Practices to Balance. “When we examine that feeling more closely, there are issues around expectations. What are the expectations that you have for the roles you play? Sometimes those expectations are out of alignment with what is realistic, and that can contribute to guilt, which is very stressful to moms.”
“In spite of the fact that today’s moms are often doing two or three jobs (in the home and out), and doing a better job raising their kids than previous generations, they feel guilty,” agrees Robin Alter, a psychologist with expertise in children and families. “One of the biggest stressors for women is guilt.”
Self-care is essential for wellness and for coping in the face of stress, and moms often put themselves at the bottom of their priority list, operating in a state of low-grade burnout. According to Dr. Alter, our children are noticing. “I've done between 4,000 and 5,000 psychological assessments, and when I ask children if they want to have a family of their own when they grow up, their response lately is, ‘No way!.’ They're looking at the adults in their lives, and those adults aren't having any fun.”
Self-awareness is key to alleviating the stress in our lives, says Ms. Martin, but is not always easy to achieve. “If you’re feeling stressed, you can’t always focus on what’s causing it. Step back for a moment to create some space for reflection or quiet thought. Ask yourself, ‘What do I want, what am I feeling, where do I want to go, what do I need?’ We have the answers to these questions, but they aren’t accessible to us when we’re running like a hamster on the wheel to nowhere.”
Often, she says, the most important question of all is, “How do I lower my standards to a level that’s realistic?’ We can’t have it all at the same time – but we can have what matters most. It’s vital to understand what that is and to be in alignment with our priorities.”
When it comes to managing busy lifestyles and stress, good nutritional strategies are also crucial for both moms and their families, says Joey Shulman, registered nutritionist. “Kids and adults both perform better when they’re fuelled properly.”
Too many moms are overweight and under-fuelled because they’re lunching on the crusts from their kid’s grilled cheese sandwiches, she says. “They’re dehydrated, not working out and skipping meals – so they suffer from sugar cravings. I had a woman in here this morning who lost 10 pounds. When I first met her, her shoulders were slumped and she looked a bit grey – today I thought, ‘Oh, there’s the energetic you!’”
To maximize energy and minimize mood swings, says Dr. Shulman, “Don’t eat refined flours or sugar; high-glycemic-index carbohydrates negatively impact blood sugar, energy and mood, and contribute to weight gain. Do load your diet with omega-3 fats, such as walnuts, cold water fish, fish oils, flax seeds and flax seed oil. Your brain needs these healthy fats to thrive.”
Most important of all, says Dr. Alter, is to make fun a top priority. “Unfortunately, mothers today aren’t taking the time to just enjoy their kids. Doing so has so many beneficial effects: kids’ self-esteem improves when they see that their parents are enjoying them. It helps parents alleviate stress; when you laugh with your kids or play a game, you forget about all the things you're worried about. You just enjoy the moment.”
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